i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do vagina's smell?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
