I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
