this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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