Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
