for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
