yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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