Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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