Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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