I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
