his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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