I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
