there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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