Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
