Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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