I am puke
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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