So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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