I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
