Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
