now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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