really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
