When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
