i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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