They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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