like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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