She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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