Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
