im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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