You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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