in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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