Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
