K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
