Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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