He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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