Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
