Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
