Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
