i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
