I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
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I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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