you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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