peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
