Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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