I bet he comes in French.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
