finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
