Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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