I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
