i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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