you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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