Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
