THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
