Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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