I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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