Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
