trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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