Your tits are I can't wait for
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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