WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
