I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
