Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
