pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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